She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
