I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize