There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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