if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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