There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
