I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
