I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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