Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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