She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
