he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
