Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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