I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
