Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
