Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
