You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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