God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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