Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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