Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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