just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
