evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize