You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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