Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
