This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
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Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
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I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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