There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
