i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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