she looked like the before picture.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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