if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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