If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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