Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She's JV to your varsity
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
