if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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