you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
