My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
