when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
