Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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