Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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