I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
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Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize