your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
