Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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