I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
