if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
