They should really pass out barf bags in church
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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