he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
