She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize