had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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