Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
