Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
