she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
