i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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