Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
