At least make sure they are 18
Why
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
