my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
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it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
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But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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