after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
