everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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