you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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