come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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