did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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