just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
