Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
