I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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