just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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