kristin has been a bad kristin
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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