im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so that wasnt chicken after all
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
COCAINE IS GR8
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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