I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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