I hope mine doesn't look like that
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
